Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
