She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
