I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
