Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just tell him i said nine months
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
