Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
