when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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