Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
