I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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