We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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