I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
