M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
its not stalking. its research.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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