Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
