Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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