Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
