Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
