I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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