Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
