Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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