she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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