His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
