Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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