I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
