Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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