He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
