i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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