Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
