They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
