his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
As shirtless as possible
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
