Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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