The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
