You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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