DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
