its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
