The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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