God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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