Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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