i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
