i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
