I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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