i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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