If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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