can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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