Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
