my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
