so that wasnt chicken after all
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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