I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
