So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
