My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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