the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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