Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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